Welcome to the third installment in a series of blog posts on The Eden Alternative Domains of Well-Being(TM). You can read more about these domains by clicking HERE!
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In the Eden Alternative philosophy, we define care as “that which helps another to grow.”
It’s a powerful way to shift our understanding of relationships, and to broaden our traditional view of care, which tends to focus on problems, and on treatment of the body alone.
When I was asking someone recently about their “support system,” they named a few people they felt close to. Then I shared this definition of care and asked “who or what helps you grow,” and the person poured out a list of resources they hadn’t thought of before.
These are the people (or animal companions) on our care team, and it all sounds like a good and positive thing. Still, I sometimes strike a nerve when I talk with people about “growth.”
“What is growth? What does that word mean?”
Dr. Bill Thomas writes about the stage of life known as “Elderhood” in his book. “What are old people for? How Elders will save the world,” and posits that growth is a part of Elderhood, as it is part of all of life’s developmental stages.
We are so used to thinking about Elderhood as a stage of decline that we overlook the many ways we continue to grow.
Some of us struggle with the very idea of growth in the midst of decline, or see growth through the eyes of Adulthood, where we strive to improve our job skills, increase income, or strengthen and build muscle.
These kinds of growth may or may not happen in one’s Elderhood. And we’re so use to looking at the world through the eyes of adulthood, that we may need to broaden our ideas about what growth can mean.
I started thinking about growth in the last phase of life when I had the chance to work with several people who were dying, or who were family care partners with loved ones who were dying. It’s easy to be overwhelmed by sadness and be focused on loss in this instance, but I have seen amazing healing and growth occur, even at the death bed.
This kind of healing and growth is almost always about intangible qualities, such as increasing forgiveness, wisdom, peace, acceptance, love, relationships, or one’s relationship to the Divine.
Growth is possible for people who are living with cognitive challenges, such as dementia. As care partners, we can learn patience, kindness, and forgiveness, to name but a few. Elders may learn to accept support, let go of painful memories, and learn to express themselves with more freedom and joy.
The art that accompanies this post was done by me during a workshop by the good people at Scripps Gerontological Institute. Their program, “Opening Minds Through Art,” (or OMA), shows us how people living with dementia can create fabulous art when we shift how we think about art itself. Coloring between the lines may be difficult when you live with dementia, but watch the amazing transformation when Elders are given the tools and encouragement to create abstract art! Check out this program at: www.scrippsoma.org
Have you seen someone grow in spiritual strength as their body is dying? Can you imagine growing in one’s ability to adapt to the changes brought about by aging or illness? Is there room for relationships to heal in our last stage of life?
What does growth mean to you? Who or what helps you grow?
Leave a comment about growth; you’ll be helping all of us grow in understanding!
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Lisa Kendall supports well-being in her work with Elders and their family care partners, as well as with professional care partners. She is an Educator and Mentor for The Eden Alternative, and has a private counseling and consulting practice in Ithaca, NY.
