Welcome to the final installment in a series of blog posts on The Eden Alternative Domains of Well-Being(TM). Read more about these domains by clicking HERE!
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I often write about the holiday season with a reminder that many people do not experience the holidays as joyful. Indeed, people can suffer throughout the year from loneliness, helplessness, and boredom (the three plagues discovered by Dr. Bill Thomas), and the heightened expectations of the holidays surely exacerbate the plagues.
“Joy” is the last (but never least!) one of the Seven Domains of Well-Being as defined by The Eden Alternative, and we all need Joy for true well-being.
Joy seems like an emotion we all understand instinctively, even though who or what gives us Joy may vary from person to person.
Our capacity for Joy also seems to vary. I was thinking the other day about a remarkable trip I made with my Mom and one of my sisters a few years ago. We’d gone to New York City to see the Van Gogh exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. “Starry Night” was on display, and I couldn’t wait to see one of my very favorite paintings.
While I truly appreciated the special exhibit, what I recall most about that day was my emotional reaction to two other things I saw in the museum.
The first was an installation of Islamic art, and the rich jewel-tones and intricate designs of textiles, tiles, and other objects took my breath away.
The second was a permanent exhibit of an Egyptian pyramid, an elegant structure that had been taken apart and reassembled in a spacious hall. As I sat on a bench nearby, I felt I could smell the ancient sand and stone, and a pervasive sense of awe enveloped me. I sat for a long time, appreciating peaceful BE-ing in that light and airy space.
The beige and cream pyramid touched me as deeply as had the vivid hues of Islamic art.
I know that being in the presence of such beauty inspired a sense of awe in me, but I clearly see the Joy I was feeling, too, and that’s the main emotion I experience when I recall those wonders.
We’re surrounded by a universe of natural and man-made wonders, but don’t always feel Joy-full.
What can get in the way of such joy?
- A sure-fire way to choke out Joy is to keep moving through life at a break-neck speed. Today is Black Friday, and even at home I am inundated with loud ads, busy e-mails, and confusing codes. It’s hard to notice the little things, the simple pleasures that truly bless us with Joy, amid such a hubbub.
- We might miss out on joy if we don’t have the freedom to go where we want to, or to be with companions who will share and hold the experience with and for us. Helplessness and Loneliness, two of the plagues, can easily kill our Joy.
- Painful memories may lead us to believe that we can’t, or don’t deserve, to feel Joy.
In my work as a therapist and clinical gerontologist, I meet many people who experienced abuse or neglect as they were growing up. They took in messages that they were unworthy, unwanted, or unsafe. These messages and the difficult emotions that surround them can flare when we face special challenges such as our own health problems or the illness of a family member.
Looking back over the domains of well-being, it’s easy to see how abuse or neglect can damage any of these areas. Remember that the Eden Alternative Domains of Well-Being™ include:
- IDENTITY—being well-known; having personhood; individuality; having a history
- GROWTH—development; enrichment; expanding; evolving
- AUTONOMY—liberty; self-determination; choice; freedom
- SECURITY—freedom from doubt, anxiety, or fear; safety; privacy; dignity; respect
- CONNECTEDNESS—belonging; engaged; involved; connected to time, place, and nature
- MEANING—significance; heart; hope; value; purpose; sacredness
- JOY—happiness; pleasure; delight; contentment; enjoyment
Unfortunately, painful memories are more common than we think. The good news is that there are sound approaches to foster healing, no matter how long ago we actually had hurtful experiences.
I will be writing more about the impact of trauma across the lifespan, and the importance of healing during the stage of life known as Elderhood, as I prepare for a presentation on the topic at the next International Conference of The Eden Alternative.
If you haven’t done so yet, please stay connected by liking my Facebook page: click HERE. You’ll always get a link to new posts that way.
You can also register now for the 8th Eden Alternative International conference! Please visit HERE for more information.
And finally:
Healing Painful Memories during Elderhood
Listen to my talk on trauma-informed treatment approaches and strategies on WRVO public radio by clicking HERE.
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Lisa Kendall supports well-being in her work with Elders and their family members, as well as with professional care partners. She is an Educator and Mentor for The Eden Alternative, has a private counseling and consulting practice in Ithaca, NY, and teaches the Fieldwork in Gerontology course for the Ithaca College Gerontology Institute.
You can reach Lisa at (607) 351-1313, or via email at crossroadscounseling@hotmail.com
